White coat. Heels.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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