people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am spending my child support on dildos
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
