Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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