you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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