My first STD was from a foam party
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
