shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
