when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
