i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
