I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
