I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
