i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
