I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
