ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
