I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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