Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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