I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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