I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
