My room smells like vodka and shame
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
