Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
