Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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