If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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