based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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