I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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