he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize