The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
