We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
