tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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