There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Small penises have feelings too.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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