I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
