i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
