I'm jealous of your bromance
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize