you win again, gameday.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
