dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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