It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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