I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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