Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
