he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
