I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
