The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
