If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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