We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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