i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize