I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
