dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
