Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
