Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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