u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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