I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
