You're earring is so big in my mouth
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
