i was rollin on her like bob the builder
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
