Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
