WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
