you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it hurts more in the daytime
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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