i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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