Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
