32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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