Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
