Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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