Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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