Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
