It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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