I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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