They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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