i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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