I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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