Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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