So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
