If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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