Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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