Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
