Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
