woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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