I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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