do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
