Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
